Long time no update... So thought I'd say something... Hope this isn't too long...
Last 2 wednesdays been having some DISC personality profiling thing. I'm ashamed to say that my personality has been so easily read by a simple test.
I'm an SI personality. The 'S' means that I'm a good listener, possessive, steady and predictable, understanding and friendly. It also means that I take a long time to adapt to change, cannot prioritise and hold grudges. The 'I' means that I'm enthusiastic, trusting, optimistic, persuasive, talkative, impulsive and emotional. It also says that I'm more concerned with popularity than results, inattentive to detail and tends to listen only when it's convenient. I know there's some conflict within the two personalities. Only goes to show I've got split personality. =P Guess as people are reading this, they're smiling and nodding their heads.
The greatest fear of high 'S' people is the loss of security, and that of high 'I' people is rejection. In fact, this is what I want to talk about now... My fear of rejection.
Coz recently I've been having this disagreement with someone I once considered a close friends and a good confidant. Some people may know what I'm talking about here. This person may even be reading this now. All I want to say is: don't jump to conclusions. This person will henceforth be referred to as 'he' and 'him', but this does not mean that this person is a male.
Maybe I'm being too sensitive, or maybe I'm the one jumping to conclusions, but I feel distanced from this person. It kind of hurts lah. Everytime I feel that someone is giving me the cold shoulder, I examine myself. I do some reflection and see what I had done wrong to spark off this rejection. So that's what I did this time. But I couldn't see what the problem was. ButI appologised to him anyway for making him angry etc. In doing this, I was hoping to cool off some hard feelings he might have against me. I also hoped I could find a way of reconciliation of our friendship. I know this person is very nice, and he doesn't give people the cold shoulder for nothing.
But in this person's reply, he simply brushed me off. I won't write here what he said, but I felt even more hurt by his words. Besides that, I felt totally left in the dark. Really don't know why he was treating me like this. All I wanted to do was make a compromise. Is that wrong? I really hope to be able to sort out the differences between this person and me... But if this is not possible, then can't be helped lah!
Anyway, in writing this, I'm not trying to pinpoint at anyone. I'm not trying to prove to anyone anything. I just want to use this as an example.
Moral of the story: If there's something you don't like about me, just tell me lah! I can take crititism de. At most buai song one night only. Because if you have something against me, and you don't tell me. Then you not happy with me, I also don't know why, then I not happy with you. Doesn't make sense right? Why not just tell me what's wrong, then we try to work out a compromise? Won't that be better? I alone cannot see my faults. I need others to tell me what they are, so that I can constantly improve myself. If not I'll forever be having that fault, forever pissing people off, right? I try to make people happy, but to do that I need you to tell me what about me makes you unhappy. So just fire away. I promise, I won't get angry. If I think you have a point, I'll do my best to change. Ok?
So much for trying not to write a long post... Bleah... Just needed to say this... Coz I don't want another situation like the one I described earlier to happen. I love all my friends, and I don't want to lose any of them because of something that can be changed.
Anyway, to that person whom I had this encounter with, I don't know if you're reading this. But if you happen to read this, and you know I'm talking about you, please respond. Tell me how I can change to make this compromise, k? Coz I don't want to lose you as a friend.